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Girls keep ghosting after poor sexual experience (MY STORY) - lifecrisis - 12-18-2018

Hello guys, I write this on behalf of my best friend. His account is still getting through the process of being accepted for a long time now, so he can’t post yet. But he can see this thread, and was hoping some of you would help him.

I have been with 4 girls in my life. One I lost my virginity to in 2015. And 3 this year in 2018. All 3 one night stands. Not drunk, just girls of events, parties, through mutual friend etc. All 3 ghosted me after the sex. I know what you are gonna say, girls will stay if your personality is good enough, but believe me when I say this, im good on every aspect outside of sex. Im trying to fix this because it’s hurting my dating life. Here is my story.
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1st girl I had sex with after 2 dates. We went to my place to watch a movie and we had sex. I did my best to improve my foreplay so it won’t be so bad when I bust early. I came in 30 seconds. It was embarrassing but I thought it’s ok this was after 3 years of no sex. It’s normal. She made up a bullshit excuse and left early. I thought fuck it, I got over my dry spell, this year im gonna improve my life and this was just a stepping stone, didn’t take it personally.
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2nd girl I met her through a party that was hosted by my old school. Like a get-together party for the old students. She was one girl I used to see in class but never had the guts to talk to her. I was a beta. But now a few years after, I was more confident as a person and better looking. I had put on good muscle. Back then I was scrawny. She was impressed when I said hi, she couldn’t recognize me and she showed a lot of attraction. We had good chemistry and actually was sharing a lot of common interests. She was a 7/10 with a petite body. We went to the afterparty, I ran my smooth talking and she agreed to stay over. At first, it was “only cuddle” but we all know what that means when a girl says that. I said fine.

We went to my place, got in the bed to “cuddle” and I started kissing her. Started fingering her and slowly we undressed. I flipped her to the side and fucked her in the cuddle position. I was terrified it would last only 30 seconds so I tried to calm my nerves. I started very slow and had to take a lot of breaks. Imagine you going for 20 seconds, then taking a “cooldown” already. It was weird for her, she kept asking if everything is alright? I said, yeah, it’s just been a while. I went on for 1 minute and 20 seconds and busted. I tried to hold frame and not seem like a pussy. I said, damn, how about a second round? She just smiled and said okay. I thought great, 2nd round I can go for longer. We couldn’t sleep, we chatted for 30 min and I was ready to go again. This time I put on an extra thick condom I had bought because I didn’t want to fuck up this time. We started a little foreplay and went at it. Jesus. I busted in 1 min again. She looked at me like “are you serious?” she didn’t say it, but I know that look on girls faces. I’ve seen it before… I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t want to say sorry and seem like a bitch, so I just didn’t mention it. It was awkward quickly and we went to sleep. She left very early that morning. I looked at myself in the mirror and thought what the fuck is wrong with me.
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3rd girl I tried to prepare myself. I didn’t fap or watch porn for several months. I completely reset myself, was hitting gym a lot, was eating healthy, every good thing I could do. Meditation, you name it. I met this girl through a mutual friend. I didn’t know that friend so well, but we had recently reconnected. She introduced me to her friend and we went on 2 dates. It was fun, and while she was cute, solid 7.5/10 it didn’t help my case. I was hesitating to bring her home because of my past failures with the previous 2 girls this year. I was scared. I didn’t want to lose a girl I actually liked for my embarrassing premature ejaculation problem. She seemed into me more than the other girls and wanted to come back to my place after 1st date, but I couldn,’t do it. By 2nd date I knew if I didn’t do something now it would seem weird for her and she would start wondering what the hell is wrong with ,me. So to my surprise because I was so slow to escalate and she seemed to take a liking to me, she proposed we go back to her place and have some coffee. I said okay. This time I had prepared. I had researched on the internet and found a condom with numbing cream. The reviews seemed good, some said they could last forever on it, others said you will last a few minutes extra but lose some of the sensation in the penis head, some said it was so effective their dick couldn’t get up. At this point I was desperate so I took the chances.

We got to her place, sat down, talked a bit, I worked some kino, she was very receptive. The fact that she was comfortable with this and seemed experience with this kind of thing didn’t help my situation, it made it worse. But I had promised myself to calm mentally. I read a lot of articles that sexual anxiety is caused by yourself in your mind, so ease it. And so I did. She started kissing all over me and undressing. She grabbed my dick and pulled it out and tried to give me a blowjob. This would have been my first blowjob ever, since I’ve never tried it and only heard so much about it. But I knew that it would destroy me and I would cum instantly and ruin the chance of the sex I was preparing for in so long. She looked weird when I said, no don’t. This was probably her first time getting a no to a blowjob. I tried to take the lead, lifted her and brought her to the bedroom. She was now naked. We started making out, I slipped a finger in there and soon started kissing her from her neck down to her thighs and I went down on her. This was my first experience with eating pussy, and it wasn’t so bad, but I had no idea what I was doing. She did seem to enjoy it but no orgasm unfortunately. She got on top of me and rode me for a minute. I didn’t even enjoy it, I didn’t feel much, I was just focusing super hard on math equations lol so I wouldn’t bust. She got off me and I got on top of her, went on for 1 minute then bust. Fuck. Déjà vu. I just played it cool. I had a plan B, the condom with numbing cream. I kissed her and made a shitty excuse saying, “it’s been a long time, second round will be better”, she seemed ok with it. She understood.

When I was ready to go again I put on the numbing cream condom and my dick was so numbed it went down so fast. She was laying there and I couldn’t explain the situation. I said “it’s not my day today huh?” jokingly to ease the awkward situation. She didn’t say much, just let out an awkward laugh. After 10 min I told her that I had to leave, my bus was coming. I left. Next morning I woke up filled with regret. Didn’t feel like a man, felt like a little boy. I had a text from this girl saying “Unfortunate last night, I had fun but we probably shouldn’t be going on any more dates”. I knew what that meant, im not stupid.
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This keeps happening to me, what can I do. This will keep happening with the next and next and next girl if I don’t fix it. I need your help rooshvforum. My game has improved a lot thanks to reading this forum and lurking forever in the newbie section and I can manage to lay these girls easy but the sex is so bad, even when I focus foreplay. Im 23 years old. Lost my virginity at 20. Started gaming at 23 and so far 3 lays 3 failures. This is killing my game and confidence. I want to start 2019 with being able to last more than 1 minute.

Girls keep ghosting after poor sexual experience (MY STORY) - tugofpeace - 12-18-2018

Fap beforehand

Girls keep ghosting after poor sexual experience (MY STORY) - wi30 - 12-18-2018

Quote: (12-18-2018 04:16 PM)tugofpeace Wrote:  

Fap beforehand

You sir, are very congruent.

Girls keep ghosting after poor sexual experience (MY STORY) - The Golden God - 12-18-2018

Quote: (12-18-2018 04:19 PM)wi30 Wrote:  

Quote: (12-18-2018 04:16 PM)tugofpeace Wrote:  

Fap beforehand

You sir, are very congruent.

Haha, a tug to bring peace to your mind.

For real though, think about controlling your breathing and don't be too up into your head. Don't contract your body and take short rapid breaths, think about relaxing and breathing deeply.

Look into reverse kegels, I'm not sure what site I read about it at but this page looks promising.

When you feel like you're going to bust, contract your PE muscle kind of like when you are peeing.

I had the opposite problem when I lost my virginity and a few times after where I was nervous and didn't finish at all. Looked into it and I have almost total control now & can go on for an hour raw if I want.

Also, if feel you're getting close to busting and you're fucking her missionary, pull out and flip her over and go doggy, and vice-versa.

Be dominant & take charge while doing this and you'll have no objections from her.

Girls keep ghosting after poor sexual experience (MY STORY) - Batman_ - 12-18-2018

You are obsessing way too much about performance instead of trying to make it enjoyable for both of you.

Your problem isn't busting a nut in one minute but your reaction to it - you are judging yourself too harshly.

From an evolutionary perspective it makes perfect sense that a man would orgasm quickly from having sex with a new woman, especially if you haven't been with a lot of them.

I think they're probably more offput by your reaction than the fact that you're not fucking them longer. You should learn how to make them squirt, eat pussy, extend foreplay with lots of teasing, throw them around. Definitely keep avoiding porn, but I would suggest to fap semi regularly to practice edging techniques with the use of kegels, controlling your breath,etc.

I have stopped caring if the girl gets off or how long I last, and instead try to focus on enjoying the sex. I've even had ED problems and I literally doesn't bother me and the girls don't seem to give a shit either. Stop focusing so much on them, they don't matter. Focus on enjoying the sex.

Another thing to keep in mind is that the more you fuck the same girl, the longer it takes to cum. If you can make the first few experiences memorable (making them squirt, eating out, being rough/dominating, etc) they'll come back.

Girls keep ghosting after poor sexual experience (MY STORY) - firat113 - 12-18-2018

Excellent advice was already given by Batman and Golden God. But if I had to highlight something it would be to keep your frame strong. You’re already doing a good job in not succumbing to apologizing and projecting insecure behavior, but from what I read it seems like you transition from A ---> B way too quick.

A being the fun guy she got attracted to that she got naked for to B the guy that suddenly act awkward and have a hard time defusing the situation. You said you went to sleep after the second girl and the third girl you’d leave after 10 minutes, like a dog putting his tail in between his legs and fleeing. I don’t blame you, it requires some game to stay strong in such a scenario but instead of putting on a temporary mask of confidence in the heat of the moment, just act confident throughout it all.

Even if you bust, so what? You can go down on her again, or finger her until she cums. It’s no biggie. If you just want to fuck these girls once and never see them again, go ahead and continue this shit, but in your post, you want to experience girls continually and not have them ghost you. So stick around for a while, at least end the night with a smile on her face and a good experience rather than an awkward interaction.

Trust me on this, girls don't care if you've been a good guy the whole night, but if you do/say the slightest little thing wrong, they will keep thinking about this one thing and in their mind it will set the night as "negative", so leave her with a positive note and try again the next day. Kiss her, tease her, use self-irony, if you don't take the situation too seriously she won't do it either. This way it will turn to a joke between the two of you, rather than a complete deal breaker. In the meantime work out a solution (reverse kegels, controlling PE muscle etc.)

Girls keep ghosting after poor sexual experience (MY STORY) - coffeedrinker - 12-18-2018

I have a similar problem - finish early but also occassionaly can't maintain an erection and have had very few repeat partners. On top of the suggestions above, Try going extremely slowly at first, even stay inside her for a couple of seconds. Girls will think you are just teasing, and it gives you some time to get over the initial excitement. I also used to apologise once or twice, but it's stupid. Don't say anything, just go straight to doing something else - fingering her, cuddling, anything.

Also keep trying to maximise your approaches and game. It's hard having this on the back of your head but it can become easy to use this as an excuse to approaching and escalating. Think of it this way, if you could get one new girl every week, would you care if you "fucked up" a few times? No, and then the anxiety would likely subdue and the problem disappear. Obviously this isn't easy (I'm still far from reaching this goal) but knowing that improving your game will also help with this problem is a nice motivator.

Read thread-25731.html in regards to dominating girls, there are a couple similar threads from other PUA Gods if you want to search the forum for.

Girls keep ghosting after poor sexual experience (MY STORY) - eradicator - 12-19-2018

It’s been mentioned but pegym.com works. They have a section for premature ejaculation

Girls keep ghosting after poor sexual experience (MY STORY) - RatInTheWoods - 12-19-2018

1) Fap 3 times in the morning

2) make her cum 5-6 times before you enter her, tell her you want to tease her, take it slow and all about her for an hour

3) Do your thing and then you can say it happened quick because you got worked up for an hour.

But the best way to learn self control is to "edge' fap. Take it up, stop, restart, you should have it on remote control after a few months training.

Getting old helps, as does getting more comfortable with women in general, as well as the one you are with.

Maybe take few dates before you bang, like 5-6 so you know each other...

Girls keep ghosting after poor sexual experience (MY STORY) - droughtmeat - 12-19-2018

just sharpen the knife. Use this + NoFAP and you're problems will be gone






Girls keep ghosting after poor sexual experience (MY STORY) - KeepMovingForward - 12-19-2018

I have a suggestion OP:
Keep going until it's hard for you to finish. You're not going to have premature ejaculation if it's round 3 or 4, your body will be tired and you can go as long as you want.

I've finished the first time in a minute or two plenty of times, it doesn't phase me at all. I do whatever I want with the girl for about 10 minutes, then go again, no worries. Girl is usually even more worked up after only being fucked for a couple minutes and wondering if she's going to get it.

Girls keep ghosting after poor sexual experience (MY STORY) - crispytaco - 12-19-2018

So you prepared for your 3rd notch no fapping for months? Am I wrong or that's the opposite of what you had to do?

Another think I noticed, unlike men girls, are very emotional. After your performance you said your bus was coming and left. After 10 minutes! I think that's worst for a girl, because might not just be physically but emotionally unsatisfied.

I had 2 bad performances with girls because of medicines I was taken. And they still wanted to see me again. Later I took my revenge and focked the brains out of them, and they went little cold. How's that possible? It took me time to understand it was not just the sex but all the things around it.

Girls keep ghosting after poor sexual experience (MY STORY) - Beirut - 12-19-2018

I've had a bunch of alcohol induced poor performances (or lack thereof) and none ghosted. Now I will say they weren't American so might be the difference but I feel the level of investment I make before the bang and the relationship we develop makes it override any sexual mishap. Also the way you react to it.

As for your case, premature ejaculation is normal when you don't have experience. Spend more time on foreplay and maybe make her cum with ur tongue and fingers before penetration. Then once you start having semi regular sex ur performance will improve.

I didn't grow up in a ONS culture so my default mode is to take time with girls. If you're going for fast bangs it will be easy come easy go more often.

Girls keep ghosting after poor sexual experience (MY STORY) - questor70 - 12-19-2018

You have to deal with female expectations. Sure, even after a quickie you can still get her off but in her mind she will have been expecting you to pound her, not just rub her out after an "accident". And yeah, you can go a 2nd or a 3rd time but you will have already started off on the wrong foot.

The best way to spin it into a positive is to find a way to go twice back to back without a refractory period. Then you'll be seen as a stud instead of a chump. That's not something you can do very elegantly with condoms, though.

OP's long-term solution is to learn to edge so that the cumming is more about blowing off excess and not entering into the refractory period. Women are actually more impressed by that than simply a guy who lasts long.

Girls keep ghosting after poor sexual experience (MY STORY) - Borges - 12-19-2018

Sometimes anxiety and fear of failure transform into a vicious circle that makes sexual problems even worse. If you are becoming paranoid because of this, if the problem is crippling to you, I think you should explore medical options. I believe there is medicine that helps with premature ejaculation specifically, and of course PDE5 inhibitors will help with election quality and recovery. I say look for an urologist or psychiatrist, tell him you can't last for longer than 30 seconds and say you're getting desperate because of it.

If you start using that kind of medication, it doesn't mean you'll have to keep using it forever. Go on meds so you can get your shit together and learn to control yourself. Find an LTR - a girl you fuck regularly and who you are comfortable with. "Train" with her. You should gradually dial down the meds until you're free of them.

Girls keep ghosting after poor sexual experience (MY STORY) - newandimproved - 12-19-2018

OP, I've had the opposite problem. Trouble getting hard and when I do, not being able to cum and lasting for a while. I suppose this second part isn't really a problem haha. Meanwhile, I almost always bust from a blowjob, as a result from all the deepthroat porn I watched as a teenager lol. But it's all mental. Lost my v-card very late in the game, 26. In my first LTR, it took about a month to get comfortable with my girl but once I did, poof no more ED. I'm no doc, but if you're young and fairly healthy, it's mental most of the time. My suggestion is to lock down a girl for a bit. Get good with your fingers and mouth as I did and just shrug it off if you bust early. Really, the issue here is incongruence. Girls hate that. You're coming across as a relatively cool, confident dude, but then go into overexplanation mode at the first signs of "trouble." Girls often look to us to create meaning for an ambiguous situation. So get out ahead of the issue and own it, jokingly and confidently.

Finally, some girls will just want you for the sex. As a black dude, I've experienced this. These girls are more likely to ghost after a performance that doesn't meet their expectations. But it is what it is.

Girls keep ghosting after poor sexual experience (MY STORY) - PapayaTapper - 12-19-2018

Fucking girls and never seeing them again...and this is a problem how exactly?

Girls keep ghosting after poor sexual experience (MY STORY) - Shemp - 12-19-2018

Erection requires relaxation, parasympathetic nervous system

Orgasm with ejaculation requires tension, sympathetic nervous system

In other words, you need to relax to avoid unwanted ejaculatory orgasms. Tensing the pelvic muscles is NOT the long run answer. Long run answer is to blow off excess arousal with multiple non-ejaculatory valley orgasms, which requires mastery of relaxation. I can easily go 30 minutes in missionary position with 50 or more valley orgasms myself. Only thing stopping me from going longer is arms get tired holding myself up.

Second the advice to watch Mantak Chia's videos but also read his books, especially Cultivating Male Sexual Energy..

Girls keep ghosting after poor sexual experience (MY STORY) - El_Cartiero - 12-20-2018

Would I be right in saying that you’re bussing your load while in *missionary*? If so, drop that position out

I noticed that on some occasion in the past I’d buss quicker when in missionary or getting ridden

Maybe fix up your foreplay game, try putting a finger or two inside the vagina while consistently, but no to quickly, massaging the clitoris

Regarding sex, maybe try starting in doggy and see how that pans out

Girls keep ghosting after poor sexual experience (MY STORY) - Cavorite - 12-20-2018

A doctor can prescribe a low-does antidepressant you can take before sex. Try that and build up some confidence in your performance. Then you can stop taking it.

Girls keep ghosting after poor sexual experience (MY STORY) - minorityvoice89 - 12-21-2018

Look into getting the fleshlight stamina training unit. It was made for specific reasons just like this. It can help calm you down, and you'lllast longer in bed.

Girls keep ghosting after poor sexual experience (MY STORY) - bodychariot - 12-21-2018

Quote: (12-20-2018 08:50 PM)El_Cartiero Wrote:  

Would I be right in saying that you’re bussing your load while in *missionary*? If so, drop that position out

I noticed that on some occasion in the past I’d buss quicker when in missionary or getting ridden

Maybe fix up your foreplay game, try putting a finger or two inside the vagina while consistently, but no to quickly, massaging the clitoris

Regarding sex, maybe try starting in doggy and see how that pans out

Also good advice, for me personally I busy a lot faster when girls are on top so I know to save that one for last!

Girls keep ghosting after poor sexual experience (MY STORY) - Tex Cruise - 12-21-2018

Quote: (12-21-2018 01:12 AM)minorityvoice89 Wrote:  

Look into getting the fleshlight stamina training unit..

If this is actually a thing, this is the cleverest marketing ploy ever.

Girls keep ghosting after poor sexual experience (MY STORY) - minorityvoice89 - 12-21-2018

Quote: (12-21-2018 10:51 AM)Tex Cruise Wrote:  

Quote: (12-21-2018 01:12 AM)minorityvoice89 Wrote:  

Look into getting the fleshlight stamina training unit..

If this is actually a thing, this is the cleverest marketing ploy ever.

It's real. I've owned one in the past, and it can improve your stamina in sex. It's like a synthetic pussy, and you can stick it somewhere and actually practice fuck. For his situation, this device is perfect.

Girls keep ghosting after poor sexual experience (MY STORY) - chvrches - 12-21-2018

Quote: (12-21-2018 12:53 PM)minorityvoice89 Wrote:  

Quote: (12-21-2018 10:51 AM)Tex Cruise Wrote:  

Quote: (12-21-2018 01:12 AM)minorityvoice89 Wrote:  

Look into getting the fleshlight stamina training unit..

If this is actually a thing, this is the cleverest marketing ploy ever.

It's real. I've owned one in the past, and it can improve your stamina in sex. It's like a synthetic pussy, and you can stick it somewhere and actually practice fuck. For his situation, this device is perfect.

i dont know man. it seems like it's just a plastic thing you could as well have made from scratch at home. it's impossible to simulate how a pussy feels like, the warmth, the tightness, the juices etc with plastic. seems unrealistic. also the kissing, sounds, feels etc is also a contributing factor to guys busting early. i know guys that get turned on so much by some girls moaning they cum quicker than normal. but you caught my attention, curious to hear how much you've improved? from practicing to this how much did it give you in the real world, in terms of minutes extra?