Never, ever, toss my salad!! - Printable Version

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Never, ever, toss my salad!! - TheCaptainPower - 02-04-2013

I just got off the phone with a friend who lives in Arizona, and it turns out some girl licked his ass last night after the superbowl...

I am telling you guys right now, I will NEVER, EVER, let a woman put her lips on my anus.

This is my typical daily gas schedule:

6:30: Alarm goes off. I immediately blast out a fart from overnight
7:00: Shower. I will let out 2 long, huge farts that I can smell really good because my shower is small
8:00 Subway. I will let slow gas come out under my beta pea coat that I wear to work
8:30. Before I walk into my building I open up my pea coat to let any gas out

9:00 I start squirming in my chair at work to let out slow gas, because I sit close to two women

9:30 I run to the bathroom to let out my gigantic, every morning, water splashing back on my balls shit. I check my email, facebook, and sports news on my cell phone while I try to dodge the 7 inch pubes around the toilet rim

11:00 I start feeling gassy again

12:00 Lunch. I'll let a couple blast while I am outside for lunch.

1:15 I start squirming again with gas in my chair

2:00 I take SHIT number two at work. Usually a little bit more runny that shit number 1.

4:00 Uncontrollable gas. I'm hungry, it's late, and I'm anxious to leave

5:15 Subway. I will rip slow farts all the way back to brooklyn.

6:00 Home. As soon as I walk in the door I will drop a sloppy, 15 second fart, with tiny shit remnants left behind in my undies

7:00 I will let a couple slip out in the gym

8:00 Fart outloud on the couch several times while watching television

11:00 Try to shit one more time before bed, 25% chance of feces coming out.

11:30 I'll try to fart as much as possible before I turn off the lights.

I'm curious what everyone else thinks about this topic?

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Never, ever, toss my salad!! - FretDancer - 02-04-2013

Well, if she's getting shit on her tongue I guess thats more her problem than yours.

Carry on.

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Never, ever, toss my salad!! - GBG - 02-04-2013

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Never, ever, toss my salad!! - Timoteo - 02-04-2013

You really need to check your diet if you're THAT gaseous all the time.

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Never, ever, toss my salad!! - j r - 02-04-2013

You don't know what you're missing.

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Never, ever, toss my salad!! - TheCaptainPower - 02-04-2013

If I don't take a huge shit everyday at 9am, I know something is wrong with me...

I'm not tossing any chicks salad either....

It's weird, some guys swear by it.

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Never, ever, toss my salad!! - presidentcarter - 02-04-2013

You're going to end up like the Hindenburg if this continues.

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Never, ever, toss my salad!! - Screwston - 02-04-2013

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Never, ever, toss my salad!! - storm - 02-04-2013

You're missing out.

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Never, ever, toss my salad!! - scorpion - 02-04-2013

Captain Power(ful Flatulence)

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Never, ever, toss my salad!! - speakeasy - 02-04-2013

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Never, ever, toss my salad!! - J DOE - 02-04-2013

@GBG, LMAO! That's one of the funniest things I've ever seen.

I've had a girl do it, it was okay I guess. Not really my thing but if a girl really wants to do it I see no need to stop her

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Never, ever, toss my salad!! - Matt3B - 02-04-2013

Over here, "tossing the salad" means wanking someone off. Seriously, you yanks bastardising our language.

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Never, ever, toss my salad!! - sucio44 - 02-04-2013

Captain Power(Dump)

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Never, ever, toss my salad!! - TheCaptainPower - 02-04-2013

lol. I should hook you guys up with some of my ex gf's, their lips were "ass-free" while they were dating me.

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Never, ever, toss my salad!! - Hotwheels - 02-04-2013

And I thought I've had bad gas of late...

No comparison.

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Never, ever, toss my salad!! - germanico - 02-04-2013

Quote: (02-04-2013 10:24 PM)TheCaptainPower Wrote:  

lol. I should hook you guys up with some of my ex gf's, their lips were "ass-free" while they were dating me.

And before?

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Never, ever, toss my salad!! - Duke Castile - 02-04-2013

Go get a colonic.

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Never, ever, toss my salad!! - Cincinnatus - 02-05-2013

Girl wants to lick my asshole?

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Never, ever, toss my salad!! - Screwston - 02-05-2013

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Never, ever, toss my salad!! - iop890 - 02-05-2013

Why did I just read that whole thing?

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Never, ever, toss my salad!! - Excelsior - 02-05-2013

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Never, ever, toss my salad!! - soup - 02-05-2013

You probably eating too many legumes or artichoke or cuddle-fish

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Never, ever, toss my salad!! - Handsome Creepy Eel - 02-05-2013

I think I'd have a friend you'd get along with splendidly. No, not in that sense, you perv.

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Never, ever, toss my salad!! - Low Status Beta - 02-05-2013


In Suzanne Somers first book, she mentioned that she has not farted since 1992. She goes onto explain that, when a Predator takes down another animal, it doesn't have a baked potato with it - only civilized humans do that dumb shit.

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