LTR can't argue, goes nuts - Printable Version
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LTR can't argue, goes nuts - trainwreck - 06-30-2012
So I've been in this LTR with this girl. Normally, I'm not quite the LTR guy but she's hot, keeps herself fit, actually an interesting person, disqualifies orbiters and takes good care of me. It also allows me to focus more on building my business instead of going out to hunt for pussy constantly.
But then there's whenever shit doesn't add up. I'm quite someone who likes to discuss stuff out right away instead of just taking it in in in and then going nuts 3 months later about every single thing that adds up.
She's not quite like that.. was, unlike me, raised to not argue and just go with whatever her parents told her. In my family it's quite normal that we'd raise our voices (not yelling) when disagreeing (I guess Greek would call this the Balkan way, I was indeed raised in an southern European enviroment), she obviously doesnt (northern European, was told to just avoid arguments, agree with everything).
Anytime we get into a small fight or disagreement, she claims I'm yelling at her (lol, I'm not... I raise my tone, yes, but I stay controlled) and says that she doesn't want to discuss anything, then starts crying. This basically makes it impossible for me to win any argument or get shit cleared out. It's fucking with my inner game too because since we can't clear any issues out.. it just makes me unsure about even wanting to be with her.
I'd like to think of what you guys would do, given that you really care about this girl.
LTR can't argue, goes nuts - Fathom - 06-30-2012
She's insecure and über-sensitive and will never be able to communicate. The longer you stay with her, the more you'll get sucked into her reality. She will make you crazy. You will "care" about plenty of girls in your life. Find another one.
LTR can't argue, goes nuts - WanderingSoul - 06-30-2012
Quote: (06-30-2012 03:10 AM)trainwreck Wrote:
it just makes me unsure about even wanting to be with her.
There's your answer.
But if you want to work it out and be with her, this probably isn't the best forum for advice. Find a relationship advice forum, they will probably have much better advice for you.
LTR can't argue, goes nuts - Samseau - 06-30-2012
Guys always post on the game forum what they already want, but just needed encouragement to do.
Tell this chick to quit her shit or you're packing. Not you, or anyone else, deserves to put up with this childish behavior. If she accuses you of "yelling" at her, tell her calmly, "You haven't seen me mad yet."
If she refuses to improve her behavior, then you really have no choice. Get a new girl who doesn't make you miserable. Relationships are supposed to be about love and happiness, not neurosis.
LTR can't argue, goes nuts - trainwreck - 06-30-2012
She's gotten cheated on by all boyfriends before.. I'm starting to see why. Definitely drives you crazy. It's like this huge anger that builds up inside of your stomach because you know you are right but she's manipulating you into accepting it anyway. That shit definitely makes you look for an easy way out. Sex quality has been going down lately too. Doesn't look too rosy.
Thanks for everyone's opinions. For a moment I thought me and my ex, who could discuss things out, were the exception.
LTR can't argue, goes nuts - Feo - 06-30-2012
Dont allow yourself to be held back by a ball and chain bro...I wish someone was there to say the same thing before I got sucked into my last LTR.
LTR can't argue, goes nuts - trainwreck - 07-08-2012
An update on this... we've got that arguing thing out of the way.
now I'm annoyed for something else. Since I'm screening her for a possible longer term relationship, maybe introduce to parents and all that shit, I wanted to know her sexual past... ok, we go for it.. I tell her my number (she's shocked, I'm younger than her and wayyyy over her number) and she tells me hers: 9 guys, which is not even bad in around 10 years of sexual activity (she was in 3 long LTR's, so it would have been a possible thing). Today I find out that there's another guy that she saw for 3-4 months and hadn't included in the list.
Like wtf, I couldn't care less if there were 10 or 9 guys before me.. am I the only one seeing a red flag about us being completely OK about something, talking it out, her saying that she's honest and suddenly I found out that she wasn't honest at all?
Obviously being a Scandinavian chick, she thinks I'm overreacting and is telling me that her past is none of my business.. I strongly disagree. First time we hooked up was on an one night stand.. she kept telling me that was her first ONS ever.. then a couple months later it turns out she had one before, just not from a bar/club, lol..
I definitely know she's not an angel.. I just want to be sure that I won't keep getting into situations like "oh, yeah.. that guy.. I didn't think he'd count" and +1 her notch count every 2nd week
She says she hasn't been with anyone else since me while I've had my fair share (and she knows about it).
But now that she was trying to put stuff on a higher level (making me promise not to bang other chicks) I just feel like I need to screen her for a relationship. Me being pushy about all of this crap and acting weird the last couple days didn't really help us 2 either. Any ideas how to handle this? Would you guys just leave it, leave her, do whatever the fuck?
Funny how when you start caring for a chick, your whole game drops. Me being in a super boring enviroment right now, compared to the last 5 insane months where I was surrounded by other hot northern and eastern european women. I might just be over analyzing everything but I've read through a couple of my messages.. 3-4 months in I was still being fucking awesome and then when she dropped the Love bomb... boom. months 5-6 have been shitty as fuck.
LTR can't argue, goes nuts - Yams - 07-08-2012
Did you actually think a girl would tell the truth about her sexual history? Women never count their one-night stands or the flings that lasted less than a month. When they give you a number they are actually giving you the number of boyfriends they had.
If you are looking for honesty in regards to a women's past then you will never find it.
LTR can't argue, goes nuts - trainwreck - 07-09-2012
Ya I shouldn't have asked in the first place. Now I'm like thinking wtf she's hiding from me additionally
LTR can't argue, goes nuts - Vicious - 07-09-2012
with the previous poster. Never bother asking about sexualt history. You will never get an answer you won't be second guessing yourself up over. It doesn't really matter either, what matters far more is how you're being treated at the moment.
You could view her breakdowns as a hindrance or you can view it as something feminine. Remember that if she has been raised to avoid conflict and not argue (something that many also would consider feminine) then it would be natural for her to start crying if you kept at her when she has assumed a submissive position.
In the end You are the one that sets the tone of your relationship. She's looking to you for guidance. You have to figure out what you actually want because it seems your desires are somewhat conflicted. You don't "settle shit" with this kind of woman, you change her mind for her (by changing her mood).
If you want a girl that's more of "one of the guys" then they are out there but you will likely give up some feminine characteristics to find the rationality you desire.
The girl that has that perfect mix is a true rarity and definitely not something you should be hunting when you only want easy snatch access while focusing on something else.
LTR can't argue, goes nuts - XXL - 07-09-2012
the answer is pretty obvious to me. just calm down and talk to her normally. explain the point without raising your voice, it's not that hard dude. she WILL listen to you then. now she's getting angry even before you get to the point to of course she doesn't want to hear shit when she's feeling bad.
girls 101: change her mood first
when she's calm and relaxed she will listen to you. be more empathethic and watch her mood at all times when you want to have productive conversation. she must be open to you. cause ones she's closed, she's closed and you won't reach her.
starting conversation to clear the issues is very similar to doing an approach. as you start, at first you have to calm a girl down and make her more comfortable in the situation to be able to interact with her. at all cost don't do anything confrontational and don't get her defensive cause that's the first step to arguments, fights, etc.
PS. that conversation about past sexual partners was stupid and it shows all the wrong things about you. don't do it. to paraphrase chris rock.. "any number she gives you it's too much for you. she tells you 2 and you go: two?! ooooooh no no no, fucking two? i guess that's how you're raised.." hahahah so forget it. chicks never admit honestly, they usually tell about relationship partners. prom date fuck, summer holiday dicks, snls, her best male friend pity fuck, her girlfriend's BF fuck.. all of this don't count.
Quote:Quote:not true. your game drops because you become more and more like a pussy. in relationships people get comfortable and don't give a fuck anymore and take themselves for granted, guys become lame, chicks become fat. it's ridiculous.
Funny how when you start caring for a chick, your whole game drops
when i got a cool chick who's more caring and great in bed (and let's be honest, most are not) then i have epic time with her, it's never boring, it can't be boring when i click with chick sexualy and emotionaly, it's soooo much fun and adventurous.
LTR can't argue, goes nuts - WanderingSoul - 07-09-2012
Quote: (07-09-2012 02:15 AM)Vicious Wrote:
Agree with the previous poster. Never bother asking about sexualt history. You will never get an answer you won't be second guessing and tearing yourself up over. It doesn't really matter either, what matters far more is how you're being treated at the moment.
This. Asking about each others sexual past is the beginning to the end of any trust you had for each other.
LTR can't argue, goes nuts - Greek kamaki - 07-09-2012
I never do girls the favor to let the inner Greek temperament explode.It has happened in very few cases when the girl displayed stubborn stupidity.Northern and slavic women are not compatible with that and we have to keep the psycho element hidden.
The Balkan way is more silent threatening power not exactly yelling.But Greeks often yell and can become obnoxious the girls get annoyed by too much emotion.
LTR can't argue, goes nuts - Samseau - 07-09-2012
trainwreck: you're aptly named!
LTR can't argue, goes nuts - trainwreck - 07-09-2012
ya it definitely seems like I've already burned this one. Samseau, you're definitely right... no matter what, I'll be second guessing shit in my head whenever I'm banging her now. I agree that it has destroyed any kind of trust I might have had in that chick. But maybe it's for the good, she's in her late 20's already suggesting marriage and kids.. hell no, I'm not even in my mid 20's yet. I guess value and noticing that time is running out makes chicks do shit like that.
Definitely learned something for the next one. Thanks guys.
LTR can't argue, goes nuts - alphaspiraton - 07-09-2012
Quote: (07-09-2012 05:04 AM)Samseau Wrote:
trainwreck: you're aptly named!
I lol'd
LTR can't argue, goes nuts - HiFlo - 07-09-2012
Quote: (07-08-2012 05:09 PM)trainwreck Wrote:
Funny how when you start caring for a chick, your whole game drops. Me being in a super boring enviroment right now, compared to the last 5 insane months where I was surrounded by other hot northern and eastern european women. I might just be over analyzing everything but I've read through a couple of my messages.. 3-4 months in I was still being fucking awesome and then when she dropped the Love bomb... boom. months 5-6 have been shitty as fuck.
Man, there's nothing to be ashamed at for caring for a chick. That's how people are, and it's a very nice thing when you care for her and you have a cute chick who cares for you - maybe even an irreplaceable feeling.
It seems like both you and her have certain insecurities that need addressing. Unfortunately, the best way to 'address' them is to 'forget' them if you can't resolve them.
To me, it seems like both yous and hers communication skills about relationships are a little bit lacking. You have to stress to her that "I don't read minds - I can't tell what you're thinking, you have to fucking tell me in WORDS."
I've been burned in the past b/c chicks think I'm a fucking mind reader and that I should miraculously just 'know' when there's an issue she has a problem with. Sorry babe, I can't read minds. It's important that she know you're willing to communicate in a calm matter to make things work. And even more important than she knows is that she actually does talk to you about this shit.
Best of luck!
LTR can't argue, goes nuts - xsplat - 07-10-2012
Quote: (07-09-2012 09:13 PM)HiFlo Wrote:Oh, you're of the talking cure school of thought.
...You have to stress to her that "I don't read minds - I can't tell what you're thinking, you have to fucking tell me in WORDS."
I've been burned in the past b/c chicks think I'm a fucking mind reader and that I should miraculously just 'know' when there's an issue she has a problem with. Sorry babe, I can't read minds. It's important that she know you're willing to communicate in a calm matter to make things work. And even more important than she knows is that she actually does talk to you about this shit.
Girls don't pull that "nothings the matter" or "you KNOW what is the matter" bullshit because they think men can read minds. They are being deliberately frustrating. They are completely clued in to the fact that we can't read their minds. It's a power play. They are trying to get the guy to be subservient and to beg her to open up and give him the real honest information, because really, she can trust him.
Fuck that. You don't have to communicate AT ALL under those circumstances.
Man: "What's wrong? You're being bitchy."
Girl: "Oh, nothing."
Man: "Good. Leave me alone then, I'm busy right now".
Communication is over-rated. The medium is the message. Either she will get over herself and deal with it, or she won't. Either way, it's not your problem unless you make it your problem.
You want to show the woman who is boss? Stop buying her drama.
LTR can't argue, goes nuts - Greek kamaki - 07-10-2012
Girls want you to be attuned with them all the time so you can read their minds.They make subtle hints about lots of topics that are difficult for a man to understand.
LTR can't argue, goes nuts - xsplat - 07-10-2012
Quote: (07-10-2012 09:24 AM)Greek kamaki Wrote:
Girls want you to be attuned with them all the time so you can read their minds.They make subtle hints about lots of topics that are difficult for a man to understand.
In the Philippines there is a term called "tampo". It's when the girl is giving you the silent treatment but refuses to tell you why.
In that case clearly she is not asking for you to pick up on subtle cues. She is deliberately NOT letting you know what is wrong. They will do that no matter how often or in what way you ask them what is wrong.
I posit that this is the same strategy that all women use, only it's more obvious. When women are not giving us the information we need to know what is up with them, and get angry that we don't know, they are not angry because we don't know but should. That's what they want us to think.
No, that is not it.
They are simply trying to get attention. They don't even want us to know what is making them cranky. If we don't know then they can get more attention. If we know, we can tell them to shut the fuck up with their useless stupid nonsensical female bullshit.
I discovered long ago that there is only one answer to tampo. Enjoy the silence.
The problem men have with women 90% of the time is a lack of boundaries. Trying to solve her bad mood is big mistake.
Whenever my girl is throwing around a bad mood I tell her to get the fuck out of my space. Go visit her parents, or break up with me, or whatever, but get the fuck out of my space. Do that a few times and your girl will discover a heretofore unknown talent for emotional self regulation.
Girl games are for girls. Don't play girl games with your girl. Be the man.
Nobody throws around a mood in my house.
It's pure emotional blackmail. Pay more attention to me, cater to my every emotion, or I'll make you miserable.
That. Does. Not. Fly.
In LTRs there are two essential skills. Two things you need to be able to condition your woman to do.
1) You must be able to train her to follow orders, and you must give orders regularly.
2) You must train her to shut up when you tell her to shut up. She should actually stop and become silent on command. You don't have to be harsh about it - a simple "shhh", or "stop talking", or pinching her lips should do. But if at first while training you have to be harsh, then be harsh, up to physically picking her up and throwing her out your apartment if you have to.
If you have not accomplished compliance with both of these trainings, then she is not yet your girl.
LTR can't argue, goes nuts - trainwreck - 07-12-2012
Just another update:
Just realized why she has not been able to call anyone her boyfriend for 3 years: Her ex from 2009-2010 back. Treated her like shit and owes her a couple thousand that he said he'd need for rent, yet spent on drugs. Also cheated on her during that time.
She forgot to log out on my computer last night. Blame me for reading her messages but in the end, I've realized that knowledge is power and will help to protect me from getting into shit I don't want to get involved in.
I found out she had texted him "I miss you sometimes" 2 months ago suggesting that they grab a coffee whenever she's back in his town. He texted her back with a huge love declaration that she didn't really acknowledge. She still texts him once in a blue moon, even though it's only random stuff "how are you". Funny enough, she sent him a "closure" letter 1 year ago, but ended up asking him why he had deleted her from FB 6 months later on. I actually knew that she was in contact with her ex once in a while because "he might some day finally wire me the money back..."
I realize that it's all very "tame" but from his crazy behavior (and admittedly very good looks) the guy completely perma-fucked her mind. They were in a typical emotional abuse relationship where everything would be great for a day, then shitty the next, then great again... and to my view completely destroyed her as a legit LTR prospect for future guys. I'm not sure what you guys think.. but when talking to my female friends, they all agree with the fact that if someone is such an asshole to you and everything is so emotional, you will never be able to get him out of your head if you don't cut all ties.
After that guy, she went on a 4 guys in 5 months tour (fuck other guys so that my self esteem goes back up routine) and after that has been dating 2 guys that actually were treating her decently for 6 months, which she ended up dumping at the end of these 6 months because they thought it'd be time to call each other boyfriend and girlfriend (bad move, but I can see why they would think that after dating someone exclusively for 6 months).
Guess what, even though I haven't suggested anything like that to her, I'm pretty much exactly at the 6 month border and things are starting to get more complicated between us (with her asking me to be exclusive to her).
Also found out that she has been blaming me for banging other girls for no reason. The only reason she didn't end up banging a guy she went to have wine with was because he didn't answer her texts afterwards.
Red flags everywhere.
I'm not going to end things.. just gonna keep on banging her and going to start give her less importance. Thought she was something special... well turns out she's one of the emotionally most fucked up women I've ever seen.
LTR can't argue, goes nuts - Jevioso - 07-13-2012
Get used to women's emotions.
Your responsibility as a dude isn't to change her nature, it's to manage it. Women all need direction from men, they need to be taught how to be logical and it's a lifetime job that every man they deal with gives them. If you're with a chick in an LTR and you're not giving her any direction, you're making her bad for all of us...
LTR can't argue, goes nuts - HiFlo - 07-13-2012
Quote: (07-12-2012 12:55 PM)trainwreck Wrote:
Red flags everywhere.
I'm not going to end things.. just gonna keep on banging her and going to start give her less importance. Thought she was something special... well turns out she's one of the emotionally most fucked up women I've ever seen.
I think you probably should. She's leading on this rollercoaster that, admittedly is fun because he get to tap that pussy, she's probably taking too much time away from things you should be focusing on.
Same deal just happened to me. I played into her games for awhile and then I catch her with another guy. So fuck her dude, you have to ask herself if you'd really be better off chasing new tail than sticking with someone who's too keen on games.
LTR can't argue, goes nuts - HiFlo - 07-13-2012
Quote: (07-10-2012 08:39 AM)xsplat Wrote:
Quote: (07-09-2012 09:13 PM)HiFlo Wrote:Oh, you're of the talking cure school of thought.
...You have to stress to her that "I don't read minds - I can't tell what you're thinking, you have to fucking tell me in WORDS."
I've been burned in the past b/c chicks think I'm a fucking mind reader and that I should miraculously just 'know' when there's an issue she has a problem with. Sorry babe, I can't read minds. It's important that she know you're willing to communicate in a calm matter to make things work. And even more important than she knows is that she actually does talk to you about this shit.
Girls don't pull that "nothings the matter" or "you KNOW what is the matter" bullshit because they think men can read minds. They are being deliberately frustrating. They are completely clued in to the fact that we can't read their minds. It's a power play. They are trying to get the guy to be subservient and to beg her to open up and give him the real honest information, because really, she can trust him.
Fuck that. You don't have to communicate AT ALL under those circumstances.
Man: "What's wrong? You're being bitchy."
Girl: "Oh, nothing."
Man: "Good. Leave me alone then, I'm busy right now".
Communication is over-rated. The medium is the message. Either she will get over herself and deal with it, or she won't. Either way, it's not your problem unless you make it your problem.
You want to show the woman who is boss? Stop buying her drama.
LOL, you very well may right. It's a lot easier (and, yes, even more beta) to want to communicate rather than send her packing when she's pissing off. I guess that goes with 'caring' for someone.
But in all reality, you're way probably works better on lizards these days because it gives them the drama they want. I haven't been able to pull it off personally cause I get bogged down with the fear of her leaving, but that's something we all have to do on our own levels I guess.
LTR can't argue, goes nuts - trainwreck - 07-14-2012
Quote: (07-13-2012 04:43 PM)HiFlo Wrote:
I think you probably should. She's leading on this rollercoaster that, admittedly is fun because he get to tap that pussy, she's probably taking too much time away from things you should be focusing on.
Same deal just happened to me. I played into her games for awhile and then I catch her with another guy. So fuck her dude, you have to ask herself if you'd really be better off chasing new tail than sticking with someone who's too keen on games.
Yeah, I think you're right. Also found out that she was dating 2 guys at the same time 2 years ago. Basically would go to guy A on monday, Guy B on tuesday, then guy A on wednesday.. because she "loved the attention and being spoiled" by them.
Again, I wouldn't really care about it if she hadn't put that "angel image" of a chick that always dated people she had sex with from the beginning on. Now, 6 months later, I find out that she's exactly the kind of girl I like to avoid for LTR's. Her partner count for her age (late 20s) isn't that high (I'm guessing between 13-15 guys) but a big amount of those guys were during a 12 month period of constant partying and smoking after being hurt by a guy really badly (damage and self value alert).
Call me old fashioned, but there's 2 type of girls... the ones you fuck and pass and the ones you fuck and keep. It's funny how being a value guy makes girls completely put up a fake image of themselves just to qualify themselves to you. Her being in her late 20s doesn't really help.
Additionally found out that she lied to a guy she used to date about having had sex with other people during their 3 month break because "I didn't lie... I just didn't want to tell him to not hurt him" (what a funny rationalization). Who knows if she's only telling me that she hasn't fucked other guys during that 6 month period to not hurt me either. There's not really an easy way to find out for me since we live in completely different cities and are in completely different social circles.
Adding to it, she doesn't know what she wants to do with her life.. and she's in her late 20s. Talk about a typical cat lady coming up here.
This girl definitely seems more harm than good. So many red flags that it's alarming