Woman Jokes - Printable Version
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Woman Jokes - Tactician - 11-11-2014
From http://www.bash.org/?146822
(Bass_EXE): reminds me of this one time.. this girl said 'HA! and what would you guys do without us women?!'
I just replied 'domesticate another animal.'
Woman Jokes - Slim Shady - 11-12-2014
My girlfriend is a porn star.
She's going to be so pissed when she finds out...
Christianity: One mwoman's lie about having an affair that got SERIOUSLY out of hand
I had my first sexual experience in elementary school. I shagged little Jenny Jenkins behind the equipment shed. She said I was a lot better at shagging than teaching maths.
What's the difference between a western girl and an arab girl? The western girl get's stoned BEFORE she takes it up the butt from me.
Woman Jokes - Dusty - 11-13-2014
Q: How many feminist does it take to send a spacecraft to a comet?
A: 1,000. None to actually do any science, and 1,000 to bitch about the lead scientists shirt being sexist.
( made this one up myself based on recent events http://newsbusters.org/blogs/matthew-bal...ientists).
Woman Jokes - Slim Shady - 11-26-2014
I don't care what you guys say, there's something I really dig about these middle aged women. Their daughters.
Woman Jokes - Frank Rook - 11-26-2014
1)Why did God create men?
Because vibrators can't mow the lawn.
2)What is easier to pick up the heavier it gets?
Women.
3)An old lady was getting on the bus to go to the pet cemetery with her cat's remains. As she got on the bus, she whispered to the bus driver, "I have a dead pussy." The driver pointed to the lady sitting behind him and said, "Sit with my wife, you two have a lot in common."
4)Three guys and a lady were sitting at the bar talking about their professions. The first guy says, "I'm a YUPPIE. You know, young, urban, professional." The second guy says, "I'm a DINK. You know, double income, no kids." The third guy says, "I'm a RUB. You know, rich urban biker." They turn to the woman and ask, "So what are you?" The woman replies, "I'm a WIFE. You know - Wash, Iron, Fuck, Etc."
Woman Jokes - Emanuël - 11-26-2014
Put your dog in the trunk of the car and drive around for a few miles.
Now do the same with your girlfriend.
You'll soon find out who loves you the most
Woman Jokes - Kingsley Davis - 12-03-2014
"How do you know if a woman is lying? If your cock is not in her mouth, she's lying."
Woman Jokes - Dusty - 12-31-2014
The Funny Sexist™ @TooSexist
Quote:Quote:
My girlfriend is a porn star.
She is going to be so pissed off when she finds out.
Quote:Quote:
I'm studying feminism in college.
It basically covers different periods in history.
Quote:Quote:
I brought my girlfriend over today to meet my family…
My wife went fucking insane
Quote:Quote:
How do you turn a dishwasher into a snowblower?
Give that bitch a shovel
Woman Jokes - Pride male - 01-01-2015
How do you know you are eating too much pussy?
When you go to the dentist for a haircut.
My wife came in complaining that I never raise a finger around the house.
So I did, the middle one.
Woman Jokes - MrXY - 01-01-2015
What's the difference between a blonde (or redhead) and a bowling ball?
You can only fit three fingers into a bowling ball.
(Told to me by a redhead)
What did the blonde say after sex?
So....are you guys all on the same team?
Woman Jokes - samsamsam - 01-24-2015
Saw this on Reddit.
A woman arrived at a party & while scanning the guests she spotted an attractive man standing alone. She approached him smiled and said, "Hello. My name is Carmen."
"That's a beautiful name," he replied. "Is it a family name?"
"No," she replied. "As a matter of fact I gave it to myself. It represents the things that I enjoy the most - cars and men. Therefore I chose Carmen." "What's your name?" she asked.
He answered "B.J. Titsengolf."
Woman Jokes - R Smoov - 01-24-2015
One time at practice.
Me: Women's studies? How come they don't have men's studies?
Coach: Oh that's history.
Woman Jokes - NilNisiOptimum - 01-24-2015
Quote: (01-24-2015 01:46 AM)samsamsam Wrote:The variation I've heard ends with "Beerfuck"
Saw this on Reddit.
A woman arrived at a party & while scanning the guests she spotted an attractive man standing alone. She approached him smiled and said, "Hello. My name is Carmen."
"That's a beautiful name," he replied. "Is it a family name?"
"No," she replied. "As a matter of fact I gave it to myself. It represents the things that I enjoy the most - cars and men. Therefore I chose Carmen." "What's your name?" she asked.
He answered "B.J. Titsengolf."
Woman Jokes - Dusty - 03-07-2015
Cockiest Man Alive™
@TheCockiestMan
Quote:Quote:
I can't wait until you hoes are 45 with 20 cats and telling them "yeah back in the day I used to get like 200 likes on instagram"
Woman Jokes - Rawmeo - 03-07-2015
If a man is driving a car and runs over his wife, whose fault is it?
The man's fault. He shouldn't be driving in the kitchen.
Woman Jokes - Dusty - 03-07-2015
How to pick up a feminist:
![[Image: B_dq3n8UcAAfX3V.jpg]](https://pbs.twimg.com/media/B_dq3n8UcAAfX3V.jpg)
Woman Jokes - Kingsley Davis - 03-07-2015
Quote: (03-07-2015 01:34 PM)Rawmeo Wrote:
If a man is driving a car and runs over his wife, whose fault is it?
The man's fault. He shouldn't be driving in the kitchen.
No it's the woman's fault for leaving the kitchen.
![[Image: angel.gif]](https://rooshvforum.network/images/smilies/angel.gif)
Woman Jokes - Raitheon - 03-07-2015
A department store was opened to sell Husbands. The store had 6 floors.
Now the rule was you could purchase any husband from any floor, but once you went up to another level you could not go back down, but to exit the store.
A lady entered and the sign on the first floor said 'men with a job', she went up to the next level which read 'men with a job and likes kids'.
Impressed she then went up another level where the sign read 'men with a job, likes kids and has a romantic streak', she liked the sound of that, but proceeded to the next level where the sign read 'men with a job, likes kids, romantic and good looking'.
She was really impressed now but went on to the fifth floor where the sign read 'men with a job, likes kids, romantic, absolutely gorgeous, and enjoys helping around the home'.
Now this the lady was very impressed with that, but still she went on up to the sixth floor, and there on the sixth floor was a solitary sign which read...
You are the 3,450,701 woman to visit this floor, this demonstates how women are impossible to please. Thank you for visiting the Husband store. Have a nice day.
Directly across the road from the Husbands store was another department store that sold Wives. And, similar to the Husbands store, this store had 6 floors where you could purchase a Wife on any level, but if you went up a floor you couldn't go back down and had to exit.
So, a bloke walks into the store and on the first floor reads the following sign: "Women who like sex".
Impressed the guy goes up to the second floor where he meets a similar sign, but this one reads: "Women who like sex and are rich."
No man has ever gone to the third floor.
Woman Jokes - EuphoricWizard - 03-07-2015
A woman and a duck walk into a bar.
The bartender looks up and says "why'd you bring that pig with you."
Women: That's not a pig...That's a duck
The Bartender: I was talking to the duck
Woman Jokes - Medic42 - 03-08-2015
Why couldn't Helen Keller drive?
She's a woman!
Woman Jokes - Atlanta Man - 03-08-2015
Elder: The women all desire to eat this foul food, it makes them irritable, unsatisfied and they hate sucking dick!
Young man: what is this foul food?
Elder:Wedding cake!
Woman Jokes - Renzy - 03-09-2015
Quote: (11-09-2014 09:14 PM)Sombro Wrote:
"Now little ones, where do children go when they do bad things...?", Mrs Mary asked.
"I know! I know!", Little Johnny said with vigour, " they go behind the bushes in the playground!"
"Please little Johnny, mind what you say"
"Oh its true Mrs Mary!", voiced Susan enthusiastically, "T.J took me there and showed me his Weiner."
The teacher gasped in horror as T.J smiled mischievously.
"Oh, it was like a peanut it was!"
"Hah, so it was tiny?", the teacher relieved, asked.
"No, salty!"
I always used to get a kick out of the Little Johnny jokes. Here's another:
---
One day in class the teacher brought a bag full of fruit. She told the class, "I'm going to reach into the bag and describe a piece of fruit, and you tell what fruit I'm talking about."
"Okay, first: it's round, plump and red."
Of course, Johnny raised his hand high, but the teacher, wisely, ignored him and picked Jenny, who promptly answered, "An apple."
The teacher answered, "No Jenny, it's a beet, but I like your thinking. Now, for the second. It's soft, fuzzy, and colored red and brownish."
Well, Johnny was hopping up and down in his seat trying to get the teacher to call on him. But she skipped him again and called on Billy.
"Is it a peach?"
"No, Billy, I'm afraid it's a potato. But I like you're thinking. Here's another: it's long, yellow, and fairly hard."
By now, Johnny was about to explode as he waved his hand frantically. The teacher skipped him again and called on Sally.
"A banana," she said.
"No," the teacher replies, "it's a squash, but I like your thinking."
Johnny was kind of irritated now, so he spoke up loudly. Hey, I've got one for you teacher; let me put my hand in my pocket. Okay, I've got it: it's round, hard, and it's got a head on it."
"Johnny!" she cried. "That's disgusting!"
"Nope," answered Johnny. "It's a quarter, but I like your thinking!"
Woman Jokes - Aphex - 03-09-2015
A guy walks into his house carrying a duck under one arm. He walks up to his wife and says "Here's that pig I've been fucking." The wife says "What do you mean? That's a duck." The guy says "I wasn't talking to you."
Woman Jokes - Dusty - 03-09-2015
Quote: (03-09-2015 01:56 PM)Aphex Wrote:
A guy walks into his house carrying a duck under one arm. He walks up to his wife and says "Here's that pig I've been fucking." The wife says "What do you mean? That's a duck." The guy says "I wasn't talking to you."
See post #94.
Woman Jokes - Slim Shady - 03-11-2015
Optimist: The glass is half full.
Pessimist: The glass is half empty.
Feminist: The glass is being raped.
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Iron Man is a witty, debonair, and eccentric supehero.
Iron Woman is a command.
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I love the tan lines on girls after sunbathing. It's almost like God came down and highlighted all the important parts.
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Dictionary For Women's Dating Profiles:
40ish ..................... 49
Adventurous ............... Slept with all your mates
Athletic .................. No Tits
Average looking ........... Has a face like an arse
Beautiful ................. Pathological liar
Contagious smile .......... Does a lot of pills
Educated .................. Fucked to death at college
Emotionally secure ........ On medication
Feminist .................. Fat
Friendship first .......... Former slut/born again virgin
Fun ....................... Annoying
Gentle .................... Dull
Good listener ............. Autistic
New Age ................... Body hair problems
Old fashioned ............. No blow jobs or anal
Open minded ............... Desperate
Outgoing .................. Loud and embarrassing
Passionate ................ Sloppy drunk
Poet ...................... Depressive
Professional .............. Bitch
Romantic .................. Frigid
Social .................... Fanny like a clowns pocket
Voluptuous ................ Very fat
Large lady ................ Hugely Fat
Wants soul-mate............ Stalker
Widow ..................... Murderer